2025-05-25_limits

there are so many things i would like to learn, so many things i would like to do, so many things i would like to become. but limits exist. and i have them. many of them. just as many if not more than the things i’d like to learn and do. and on one hand, that sucks. on the other i should be grateful. because without limits i wouldn’t be able to do anything at all. none of us would. limits aren’t inherently bad/harmful/negative. they are, when it comes down to it (and it always does) one of the fundamental units of existence. that which is not limited does not exist (at least not in any way we might understand). for clarity, i mainly mean ontologically limited. yes the number infinity for example is infinite, so it’s technically/mathematically unlimited. but it’s not a chair. that is one of it’s (many) limits.
limits cannot be categorized a priori. you always have to decide how you feel about a limit/limits you have when you already have it/them. whether you want to try to change it or not, whether you want to talk about it or not, etc. limits can be changed. they must in some cases. they must in more cases than certain people would like you to believe. but that’s not what i want to talk about here. i want to talk about limits and mental health. going back to our initial statement: limits cannot be categorized a priori. you will have limits. you will not be rid of them. they will change, but they will always be there. and they make you who and what you are. now if you like who or what you are at a certain time is a somewhat different story, but the reality that it is your limits that are fundamental to what your existence looks and feels like, that’s not going away. not even in death. so the nr. 1 thing to do if you want to have a bad time regardless of your situation is resent your limits because they are limits. not because of what they are, but because they are. and i’ve been doing that subconsciously for a while now. partly because there’s so much i want to do, and i want to believe that i can somehow. and partly because i’ve built m(y) recent life on trespassing/transforming certain limits. and it felt good. and it still feels good. but it won’t continue to if i don’t find a way to provisionally accept certain other limits i have / the fact that i have limits at all. if i can’t accept that, i can’t accept myself. i can’t do it all, and ultimately i don’t want to. but just that one more thing, and also that one, and that one too… and you see where we end up. i hate certain limits. i love others. i feel ambivalence towards some. if i love someone, i love their limits. if i care about somebody, i care about that body’s limits. this comes almost naturally to m(e) when it comes to others. but i treat myself differently. and that’s a problem. if i love someone, i love their limits. if i love myself, i love my limits. but i haven’t been doing that.